Contemplating my navel

I was sitting here this week, having my own private pity party. This year has been very difficult for me. My mother passed away just over a year ago, and I miss her a lot. Add to that, she made me the executor of her will. I know why she did it, because I am mean assed. She knew that I would be fair or die trying. I don't think she had any idea what her state of affairs was during the last few years. She was barely making ends meet, but until the last couple of months she was alive, I didn't know. I don't think she did either. As long as there was enough money to pay the bills, she was totally unconcerned about it. I am glad actually that she didn't live her life stressed out about stuff like that. It was a blessing for her. It is a mess for me. I have not had a very easy time trying to get her estate settled for a lot of reasons. If you haven't ever done this, you have no idea what it takes, and how depressing it is. To have to go through all her things and decide what to keep, what to sell, and what to trash was horrible. It just goes on and on, and when you have fixed one problem, another one comes along. Trying to pay bills on two houses, and make sure the yardwork is done, nobody trashes her house, and keep the realtor working, court appearances, attorneys, blah blah blah, is hard. I absolutely hate going over to her house. It is so empty without her there. I just want it sold and gone so that I can close this book.

So, while I am sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I get an email from one of the horse groups I belong to. It is from my friend Kristi. She is a great one. She is probably the toughest, bravest, most patient woman I know. She recently got bucked off her dead quiet mare when she spooked at a bunch of trash on a trail. It was totally unexpected, and Kristi was hurt pretty badly. She unfortunately fractured her back, and it scared her. Well I say, of course you'd be scared. It isn't like you bounced up, spit out some dirt, and walked away. This was a serious injury. She also had some other bad times this year, she lost her beautiful cat, and was very sad. But here she is, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, and hoping that next year will be better for all of us. Sheesh, that girl. She is my hero actually. She has an autistic son that needs a lot of her time, and she gives it. Her kids are so great, and you can tell that she dotes on them, and loves them. Her husband is often out of town for his work, so she is alone with them a lot of the time, but you know, she *never* complains. Kristi does endurance rides with her beautiful Arabian mare named Shaqerriae. She is a lovely mare. Shaqerriae hurt herself badly last year, and almost died. Even though Kristi has gone through all this "stuff", she is still able to be cheerful, even when she is hurting. She has given me such a lift. I am grateful to have her as my friend. She doesn't know it, but she (along with a couple of other special friends) had made it possible for me to get through this year. Just when I think it's too much, I get an email from her, and it makes it easier to go on. I think she has no idea what her kindness meant to me this year, it's just who she is, and what she does.

So now it's my turn to say, hang in there girl. You will heal, and decide what you want to do, or not do. Let Di help you. She loves you, and will take care of you. Take the time you need, and don't sweat the small stuff. You are strong, and you will be fine. You are a such special person, and I am proud that you are my friend :)