Dancing in the dark

Rules for feeding animals of the equine persuasion after sundown :

Rule #1. Try never to feed in the dark.

Rule #2. If you must feed in the dark, always remember that horses can see quite well without much light. You may have a difficult time seeing a black horse in the dark (ya think?), but he is busy playing peekaboo with you. Be afraid.

Rule #3. Remember that Prisoner Y perceives any deviation from normal routine as an excuse to play. This is when Hide and Seek begins. I find it horrifying that a huge horse can be so damn quiet. It is not amusing to turn around and find yourself face to face with a two foot long nose. Note: "Playing" with a 15oo lb horse in the dark is not fun. GAH!

Rule#4. Never ever depend on the feeders being where you left them. Baby Huey has other plans. Now the fun begins.

Rule #5. While searching for missing feeders (see rule 4), never assume that you will find them. Have a backup plan in place, and prepare to lose whatever container you use for the backup. Baby Huey is a busy boy.

Rule #6. Never depend on the prisoners becoming bored and patiently waiting for you to serve their slop, while you are searching a three acre paddock for the slop bowls. As soon as you are lulled into a false sense of security, you will hear thundering hooves. Prepare to die.

Rule #7. Never assume that a deaf horse can't find you in the dark. He may be deaf, but his snooter works just fine, and he *knows* that you have a tiny apple wafer crumb in your jacket pocket. He knows this because he can smell it from 5 miles away in a good stiff wind. He feels obligated to hunt you down and wrest it from your frail body.

Rule #8. Never try to escape from the prisoner in the dark. Remember he can see better than you can, even though you have a flashlight, and he will mow you down to retrieve the cookie. Screaming like a cat on fire while running through knee high dead grass only encourages the prisoner to persue you more intently. Throwing the apple wafer and running in the opposite direction may buy you enough time to reach safety.

Rule #9. Accept the fact that after you have searched all the usual places and come up empty handed you must use the shabby torn slop bowls. As soon as you have admitted defeat, the good bowls magically appear but it is too late. You have already poured the slop in the icky bowls.

Rule #10. Be happy that only one of the prisoners felt the need to assault you, and you did not recieve any crippling injuries. Whew!