Pilates is for wusses

I have talked to people who think that Pilates is the worst thing ever invented by man. I have never participated in it, because I have come to accept the fact that I am lazy, and exercise makes me sweat. Unless you are actually working, sweating is against my religion. The very idea of an "exercise" class sends me off in peals of laughter. I cannot imagine anything less appealing. I have "become one" with my fat.

If someone wants a real workout, I would suggest straight edging a nice big slab-o-concrete. It uses all the moves of most exercise classes, but actually produces some results...even if it is on the concrete. No sadistic Pilates instructor, whose inner child has a wounded ego, is tougher than a superintendent on a concrete crew. Pilates has nothing on wet-ending a slab.

Imagine if you will putting on overshoes (aka Bette Davis shoes), which are big unwieldy rubber boots that fit on - over your shoes. It is hard enough to just walk in them. Anyone remember moon boots?? Well overshoes are worse. Now, imagine walking in overshoes in eight inches of wet concrete. As if that weren't bad enough, now you are in the middle of a lake of wet concrete that tries to suck off your overshoes every step. Once you are in the right place, you grab the rod board. This is an aluminum 2X4 that is used to scrape off the extra concrete and make a slab level. If the concrete is pretty wet, it is easy. If it is not, I can guarantee you that you will strain every gut muscle you own trying to pull the extra concrete down. On a good crew, you have people designated to rake down the extra concrete so that you are not trying to pull 500 lbs of dry mud off the slab. Of course we have half a good crew, and the good one is always on the other side pulling for my husband (I think he scares them more than I do). I get stuck with the one who thinks it is funny to watch my face turn purple.

Now normally Bill will do the hard stuff because I am smaller and it takes me longer. He is not the most patient person in the world. This particular job doesn't have any easy stuff, so I had to put on my overshoes and dive in. On some slabs there are forms on both sides. This makes it much easier because all you have to do is pull the concrete down to the forms. Easy peasy. On other slabs, you are edging up next to something like a wall or house. This is called wet-ending. That means that you have nothing to "go to". You have to find the right height first, and then drag everything down to that level, *without* digging a hole, or leaving too much there. You have to develop an eye for watching the concrete as you pull the straight edge. The other main difference between forms and wet ending is how it is done. With forms, you probably aren't standing *in* the pour, so you can leave your Bette Davis shoes on the truck. Also, you can crawl on your knees down the side of the pour so you aren't bent over at the waist. With wet-ending, you are *in* the pour, walking backwards as you pull the concrete down.

Here is a short lesson on wet ending. You position yourself just within reach of the rod board. For me this is about 3 feet. Then you squat down and reach out for the board, and pull it towards you. This takes a lot of core strength, and upper body muscles. You do this until the concrete is the right height. If the slab is wide enough, you have to share the board with your partner, and pull until his side is down. Then you stop and back up 3 feet, careful not to get your boots sucked off. As you are backing up, you have to fill up the holes you left with your big assed boots. You do this all the way down the slab. You have to keep stopping because as you pull back, you always cover up the "road" you made to show you the level you need to get to. You have to make a new road by the wall so you have something to match. It is permissible to make any sort of grunting or groaning noise you like. It helps, sorta like in karate :) It will make you wish you were in one of those weenie exercise classes. You use muscles you didn't know you had, and the next day, people ask you what if you were in an accident because you are moving like someone who was hit by a mack truck.

On a regular crew, once you have straight edged, you float, trowel, and broom, and then you walk away. Since we do stamp work, straight edge, float, float again with a different float, throw color, float again, trowel, and then we stamp it. This means more bending over picking stuff up. Not to mention the sledge hammer you use to set the tools. Sheesh, what a way to make a living huh?

We made three pours this week, and I had to wet-end all 3. Yesterday, after we were finished, I felt like someone kicked my ass and then picked me up, dusted me off and kicked my ass again for good measure. I got home and took off my jeans to find my right knee was blown up to 3 times it's normal size. It is so damaged from previous stupid stuff that squatting is really bad for it. I couldn't even stand up in the shower... I tried and then gave up and sat down ;) I wish I had been nicer to my body when I was twenty and believed I was indestructible....