Stampmonkey Corner: And a time for every purpose under heaven

The Ladyslipper chose today to bloom.

One year ago today, I saw my mother for the last time. I find myself missing her at the strangest times. When one of the strange flowers bloom, or when something good happens, I find myself dialing her phone number. Losing your mother is hard. There are so many memories good and bad, and right now, even the good ones make me cry. I regret hugely that I was not able to get to the hospital in time to speak to her. She knew that I loved her, but it would have been nice to be able to tell her one more time, and know that she heard me. I have mostly stopped having the bad dream of her lying in that hospital bed. I have consciously worked very hard to replace that dream with others from happier times.

When you are a little kid, you think your parents will live forever. Then you grow up, and life rudely reminds you that no matter how much you might believe otherwise, everyone dies some day. There is no escape. We always think there will be time....tomorrow. Eventually, there are no more tomorrows.

I know that for her, it was a blessing. She had polio early in life, and suffered with post polio syndrome for many years. She was in constant pain. The only comfort I can find in all of this is that she is no longer living every day in pain and misery. For her sake, I hope that she is with my father now. She loved him, and missed him very much.

My heart aches. I miss her so... Rest in peace mother.