For all you *peers* in Northern Ansteorra, chivalry or otherwise, who have contributed to my husband's hurt, SHAME ON YOU. All of you who asked him why he wasn't a Knight, and since gone on to become one yourself, SHAME. All of you who told him that he was "your peer" and then didn't work to get him recognized as one...SHAME. All of you who learned to fight because he taught you... SHAME. Those of you who promised him that you would promote him, and gave him squire's belts, and then sat on your lazy ass, DOUBLE SHAME. I can't say it loudly enough. SHAME ON YOU ALL!
You who swore that when you got your belt, you'd change things...Liars. You didn't even try. You people are NOT peers. None of you have done your duty. Your *job* is to seek out people who should be peers and promote them. What is wrong with you? Is it so difficult? I think not. Many of you told him it would be easy to make him a knight. If that were true, then you didn't even try. I do not want to hear about politics. That is a bullshit excuse and you know it. You are either lazy, or liars, of both. If he wasn't worth your effort, then you should take off that white leather and resign your peerage. It's obviously too big a job for you. Those of you who gave *me* your word...I know what it's worth now. Honor and integrity indeed. And *he* is the one the Crown labeled as dishonorable. I have to love the irony. Next to you people, he is a fucking saint.
Why did you tell him that he could be a knight if you had no intention of bringing him up in a belted circle. Why would you give him hope? You are nothing less than cruel to give someone hope, and then not do your part to make it happen. He did everything that every single one of you asked. How damn many sets of new garb does someone need? How many beers must one drink to be part of the club? How many tourneys does one have to win. How many times does he have to beat the people who have won crown? He jumped through all the hoops, and you did nothing, NOTHING!!! Maybe he didn't kiss enough asses. It isn't a fucking fraternity guys. It isn't about wearing the "team jersey". It is about recognizing someone who is a peer. You have failed in your duty to the game. Enjoy your power. Thanks for nothing.
I loathe every single one of you who ever gave him hope, and then didn't do your part. I hope your white leather makes you feel good. I hope it was a good trade for your integrity. It makes me want to vomit to see the hurt in him. I hope you are happy. You have finally achieved your goal, if your goal was to run him out of your game. I hope it felt good to twist the knife in his back. Congratulations on **your** recognition. I hope you choke on it.
Bitter much? Hell yes I am bitter. I have watched a good man come to doubt himself. Every time one of you said you would help and didn't, it crushed his spirit a little more. Would you sit by and watch this? I did, because I have seen what "complaining" does to a prospective peer's chances. I have closed my jaw for years, and watched you fine people destroy the very qualities you are supposed to seek out and promote. I know you probably don't care how many times I have cried in frustration at the hurt I have seen. In the real world, being a Peer in the SCA means nothing, but it meant a whole lot to him. It wasn't a game to him. The recognition that it brings in your "game" was important to him. This honorable, kind, talented man who wasn't good enough to be in your club is five times the man **any of you** are. You think he wasn't worthy of your accolades? You have it wrong. You people are not worthy of him. Yeah, I am bitter. Thanks guys... nice... real nice.
Do the game a favor. Stop telling people who are not recognized peers that they are "your peer", if you aren't going to work to make them one. Just stop it. If someone has no chance in hell of being recognized, do the kind thing, and just tell them. Don't make them chase the goal for ten or fifteen years, not knowing they will never achieve it. That is not kindness. It breeds despair and hurt. Trust me, I watched it happen. Stop taking squires, apprentices or proteges if you are not going to see them through to peerage. If you only want an association with them to bask in their light, or claim their accomplishments as somehow your own, stop. That is an abuse, both of your status and your associate. Stop raising the bar to an impossibly high level. Why should they have to do twice as much as you did to be a peer? That is wrong and you damn well know it. STOP IT NOW.
And before you go blaming any of this on him, he asked me not to do it. He has a kind soul, and wouldn't knowingly cause hurt, though sorely hurt himself. He said, just let it go. Hell NO! Me sitting back and watching for fifteen fucking years didn't help him, did it? Just letting it go is what makes it OK for it to happen. People get discouraged, disgusted, hurt and confused, and they walk away. That makes it easy for this bullshit to continue. I am sure that if any of you manage to find this, you will be positive that I can't possibly be talking about you... well guess what? I AM talking about you. Just be glad that I don't play any more, or you might find yourself embarrassed. I am beyond caring what any of you less than stellar people think of me, so I would have no problem calling you out in public. For those of you who may be sitting there thinking he "deserved what he got", fuck you. He didn't, and you know it. For those of you who are cheering as you read this, man up and do something about it. The one or two of you who actually helped him as you were supposed to, thank you.
For the rest of you, one last time.
Shame on you.
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